I knew when the silent black helicopters started circling my house, there was trouble afoot.  Soon my pool was surrounded by men with concealed weapons and earpieces.  They said a mysterious potato was running amok in the streets of St. Louis...did I have any information that could lead to the arrest of The Potato?  Next there was an Attack on My Personality

Bonus:
Guard Turtle :  That shy little grin hides a heart of evil...the gators are even scared of ELEANOR!